here are no rules to follow, they're mere guidelines and should
animate own thoughts and ideas. After all, it's up to you what you
think is best.
During the first six month of its life, a baby won't yet be able to
understand the connection between "bad behaviour" and
punishment. What it really needs during that time is care and
loving, to tighten the emotional bounds to its parents.
Nevertheless, even a baby that small is fully capable of repeating
actions that lead to a pleasant result. So if any sob makes you
appear immediately on the cradle, you'll find that you have a
miniature dictator soon who keeps you up and running with joy.
Between seven and fourteen months, children normally start testing
their limits. This results from a growth in both mobility and
stubbornness, so what's being put on test are the parents' patience
with keeping their little ones from exploring, often eating and
probably destroying the reachable parts of the household and for how
long they can get away with it.
Babies at that age start challenging their parents by stubborn
disobedience, but that should not lead to punishment. Be firm and
persistent in telling and showing them what they're not supposed to
do, but don't be rude or harsh. Their concentration usually doesn't
last, so distraction is a great weapon. They still need a lot of
love, and your reward will be a happy time with a sometimes
annoying, but mostly very cute baby.
Going towards an age of two years, the obstinacy takes often a
negative direction: "No" is the preferred answer to all
"propositions" ranging from eating and choice of toys to
taking a bath and going to sleep.
Discipline can become considerably harder to apply, but is vital to
steer the course of your child's further development. It has to
learn that the authority and decision is with the parents. Still,
love and forgiveness is of even importance. Especially the father's
role as an authority for the child and support for his wife can make
this period a lot easier.
With increasing mobility, skill and curiosity a child between two
and three years can keep its mother constantly busy, taking every
moment of silence as an indication of a new disaster involving
eating things, messing around with things and getting stuck in
This can really add to the load of stress parents already have, and
the explosive emotional or even physical reaction might ease the
moment, but on the long term increases the problem. So be as relaxed
as possible and make sure you've got all valuable pieces of
household equipment properly secured. When children receive a bump
or scratch that's no drama - turning it into one will just make you
and your child over-freightened in the future. Still, with all
calmness, don't miss to tell your child when it did wrong and
discipline when it's overdoing it.
In the following years, the focus of education should be on the
child's character and attitudes. The influence of trends, friends
and media is strong, and the temptation to try new things is high.
At the same time, the control parents have over their children's
activities is reduced, and especially when it comes to trends
parents often lack understanding for the things that are
So even though your child becomes more independent, it's important
that you have time together and show interest in its experiences,
interests and problems. Offer to talk about things, but don't urge.
Show understanding and always be there as someone your child can
talk to without fear - remember the days when you were in that age,
and your feelings at that time.
And, most important: Be a paradigm to your child. You cannot expect
it to do something you don't have the power or courage to do
yourself. Respect is nothing that can be taught, but has to be
earned, even by parents.
2. Rules of thumb
- Be just!
Don't expect your child to behave according to rules you haven't
set. Especially young children often can't distinguish between right
and wrong. So even if something is clearly a stupid idea for you, it
might seem a brilliant one to it.
- Be firm!
If you give in to your child's defiant reaction, maybe because
you're just tired of the whole thing, you lose much more than that
fight. You give away authority and respect.
After a confrontation is settled, reassure your child of your love
and show that you're not resentful.
- Don't ask for the impossible!
No matter what your means of education are like, you can't expect a
child to behave like an adult. Children sometimes behave
irresponsibly - that's built-in.
- Don't forget the love!
In the end, no matter how much trouble you might have with each
other, don't forget to show that you love your child. And when it
comes to decide how to educate, how to reward and how to discipline,
listen to your heart what's the right thing to do.
by: Brigitte Meier is an occasional author for E-nterests.com.
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